 
Gambler's
Ruin
Dear
Mark,
Casino Windsor has high table minimums
and low table maximums. Is this
a player advantage? Danny B.
Quite
the contrary, Danny. It's a huge
advantage for the casino, and here's
why. Casinos win for two reasons.
First, a statistical edge (percentage
advantage) on each and every game,
and second, they have a whole lot
more cash and staying power than
you do. For the latter, it's a simple
concept called "gambler's ruin."
In essence, it's how long will it
take you-with your limited bankroll-to
lose everything to a casino, which
has a relatively infinite wad of
cash. So even if you do have a short-term
winning streak, Danny, when the
house has this infinite stake, they
can, and will, always outlast you.
Now to your situation playing the
high minimums/low maximums limits.
When you have a casino with a competition-free
monopoly, you tend to find table
limits that, in my humble opinion,
border on larceny. This scenario
eliminates low-stakes betting (high
minimums); plus, the ability to
parlay your winnings by increasing
your bets (low maximums) is removed.
Unfortunately, when you play under
these conditions, depletion of a
low roller's bankroll in a matter
of minutes is not uncommon.
So the long and short of it is this,
Danny. Avoid playing high minimums/low
maximums table limits like the plague!
Dear
Mark,
If I were to hit $1 million on a
progressive quarter slot machine,
will they pay me all at once? Dave
G.
Forget
borrowing Uncle Fred's three-quarter-ton
pickup truck to haul off 42,000
pounds of quarters. Look at the
machine closely, Dave. A sign placed
inconspicuously on the machine will
read something like "Progressive
Jackpot paid in 25 equal installments.
First installment paid upon validation
of win."
One exception is a statewide progressive
machine in Nevada, and other locations,
called "Cool Millions."
Bet 3 bucks, line up 3 ducks, and
you win "the first million"
instantly. Now if you get your ducks
in line, Dave, make them pay you
in $100 bills. They will weigh only
twenty and a half pounds.
Dear
Mark,
How come I always lose when I'm
drinking with my buddies vs. sober
and winning by myself? Bradley S.
Casinos
are fundamentally democratic institutions
where all are welcome, united in
the brotherhood (and sisterhood)
of losing. Free drinks (chip remover)
which have always been part of the
casino ambience, speed up the process.
Then there's Brad, gambling with
friends, raised testosterone, elevated
male bravado and sipping hooch,
not for pleasure but gulping for
effect. What do you expect, Bradley?
I'll tell you: the demise of a normally
sensible gambler!
All bets are off on the quality
of your play, Brad, when influenced
by any intoxicating beverage.
Dear
Mark,
I witnessed something amusing recently
in a casino, someone sprinkling
salt all over a slot machine. Did
she really think this would bring
her luck? Edith C.
By
sprinkling salt, this superstitious
gambler was trying to make the machine
pay off by using salt's association
with money. It comes from ancient
times when workers were paid with
salt, called "salarium."
We know that word today as salary.
Now my own personal feelings about
(a) luck and (b) superstition. When
it comes to the goddess "Lady
Luck," I'm an atheist. Smart
wagers bring luck! I have a saying,
Edith, if you will: "The smarter
you play, the luckier you'll be."
Salt to me has more value disguising
my own cooking, not showering a
machine with it.
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